


when the white starlight blooms (i'll hold your hand)

by hoeunki



Category: JBJ (Band), Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 02:14:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13514622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoeunki/pseuds/hoeunki
Summary: No matter how much they practice, Donghan is always up for late night arcade games and picnics by the river. Especially with Taedong.





	when the white starlight blooms (i'll hold your hand)

**Author's Note:**

> So I started writing this fic after Fantasy promotions just ended so keep in mind that it takes place around then. It also goes to show how long I've put this fic off but I finally finished it!!! yay!!!
> 
> title taken from Star Blossom by Doyoung and Sejeong

It was a little past ten when Donghan’s phone lit up on his bedside table. He and the rest of the JBJ members had just gotten home after a long day of practicing, and most of them had gone straight to their beds to relax. Donghan yawned, curling himself up with the giant Moomin stuffed toy that Hyunbin had won on their trip to Japan. His phone screen faded to black again, and he watched as the little notification light blinked blue.

It wasn’t uncommon for him to receive notifications at this time of the night. Sometimes the others would send him photos, or memes, or perhaps it was just another Instagram notification. A few moments passed before his screen lit up again, filling the darkened room with a bright glow. Donghan stared at it before reaching his arm out to grab his phone, and as he squinted at the notification, his eyes widened in surprise.

_Message from: Taedongie-hyung <3 _

Donghan immediately sat up, pulling the Moomin to his chest as he quickly swiped his phone open.

 

 **Taedongie-hyung <3 ** _[22:04]_

are you up?

 **Taedongie-hyung <3 ** _[22:06]_

i saw you like a bunch of photos ten minutes ago on insta so you better not be sleeping :/

 

Donghan couldn’t help the silly grin that appeared on his face and as he quickly typed in a response, he heard the shifting movements of his roommate on his right.

“You look like a serial killer, sitting in the dark with your face lit up by your phone like that.”

Donghan stuck his tongue out at Taehyun, who already had his hair looking like a bird’s nest despite only having gotten home twenty minutes ago, and resumed typing.

 

 **Me** _[22:07]_

im always up thinking about u <3

 

Donghan slumped back on his headboard, holding his phone up and grinning at the screen like a lovesick idiot. He was cheesy, he knew it, and he knew Taedong secretly loved it too. He could practically see the fond smile on his boyfriend’s face as he rolled his eyes at the message.

Donghan waited for Taedong to reply, but suddenly his phone started buzzing with an incoming call. A selfie of the two of them, taken in a coffee shop, stared back at him as Donghan answered the phone and held it to his ear.

“Maknae on top speaking.” 

A chuckle came from the other end of the line. Donghan smiled at the sound.

“You’re so annoying.”

He could hear the tiredness in his voice. They hadn’t gotten to call each other for a while, not after JBJ debuted and they had schedule after schedule to attend to. Donghan was happy, of course, that he had finally achieved his dream of debuting, but every time they stood in a line, or did a photoshoot, or when he had a particularly unfunny joke to tell, there would always be a dull ache in his heart as he thought of the empty space beside him.

A clinking of glasses in the background caught Donghan’s attention. In the brief silence, he heard muted laughter and conversations.

“Are you drinking?” he asked. Donghan suddenly found himself tensing up, mind filling with worry. In his peripheral vision, he caught Taehyun poking his head out from under the blanket.

Taedong chuckled again. “No, I’m not. Don’t worry.” Donghan’s shoulders relaxed and Taehyun took it as a sign to go back under the covers. He heard the scooting of a chair and a tinkle of bells, and figured that Taedong must’ve made an exit. A few moments passed, and all Donghan could hear was the honking of cars.

He thought that perhaps the signal was bad, because Taedong wasn’t saying anything. Donghan was about to hang up when Taedong’s voice stopped him.

“Actually, I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me.”

Donghan’s breath hitched.

“Like, now?” he glanced at the digital clock on the shelf. 22:15.

“I mean, if it’s a bad time, we could always reschedule. I know you’re tired.”

There he went again, putting others ahead of himself. Typical Taedong. Of course, Donghan was drained from dancing all day long, but he had long ago promised himself that Taedong would always be his priority.

“I’ll always have time for you,” he answered honestly.

When he practically hears the smile in Taedong’s voice as he tells him to meet him downstairs in ten minutes, Donghan knows it’s all going to be worth it.

 

****

 

Donghan quickly slipped out of his pajamas and into a pair of jeans and a white T-shirt. He grabbed an orange cardigan and pulled it on as he walked past the kitchen, where he had to do a double take at the almost naked figure standing by the stove.

“Why are you making ramen at ten thirty at night?”

Sanggyun turned around and did a weird little shimmy, and Donghan instantly regretted asking anything. He decided to just let his strange hyung do his thing.

He was in the middle of putting his shoes on when Kenta appeared behind him, sleepily rubbing at his eyes. A towel was draped over his freshly showered hair.

“Where are you going?” he mumbled. Donghan noticed that his shirt was buttoned wrongly.

“On a date.”

Kenta blinked once, twice, processing his words, before he nodded and went into his room. Donghan never said it out loud, but he was always grateful for his members for being understanding about his relationship with Taedong. Especially when he was being extra clingy.

Donghan fiddled with the hem of his cardigan as he looked at his reflection in the elevator mirror. He ran a hand through his hair, making sure he looked good for Taedong.

 Taedong.

Just the thought of his name made Donghan feel all tingly inside.

The air was cold against his exposed kneecaps, and he felt it through the thin material of his cardigan, like the feeling of opening the refrigerator door on a hot summer afternoon. He spotted Taedong sitting at the bus stop across the street, playing a game on his phone. He was dressed simply in a dark sweater with sleeves that were slightly too long on his arms, dangling off the tips of his fingers.

Donghan was about to call out to him when Taedong looked up, instantly catching his gaze.

He smiled. _Hi._

Donghan motioned for him to stay seated, and he jogged over to the pedestrian crossing, tapping his feet as he waited for the light to turn green. With every stride, the faster his heart thumped.

Taedong opened his arms for a hug, and Donghan wrapped his arms around his waist, lifting him into a little spin. The old lady sitting on the other bus stop bench looked at them oddly. Donghan buried his nose into the crook of Taedong’s neck and inhaled deeply. He smelled nice, like vanilla, subtle and not overtly sweet.

Despite the late hour, the streets were busy: college students in sweatpants spilled in and out of bars and restaurants; suited men checked their expensive watches to make sure they could catch the last trains home; a group of teenagers with dyed hair chattered noisily. Donghan could feel the bass from the nearby karaoke thrumming in the air.

As they began to walk, Taedong slipped their hands together. His fingers were thin, thinner than Donghan remembered, but he didn’t say anything. He decided to cherish the moment instead, the simplicity in the act of being able to hold his boyfriend’s hand and walk the streets without being crowded by hordes of fangirls.

They chatted for awhile, talking about anything and everything. Taedong told him about how he went grocery shopping because he was learning how to cook. Donghan smiled at how cute Taedong was as he talked about his new hobby, the way he bashfully fiddled with his too-big sleeves. He imagined them both, tucked up under a blanket on the sofa, watching a movie and eating one of Taedong’s home-cooked meals together.

Donghan spotted an arcade across the street that was still open. The neon sign on the window flashed brightly and cast a pinkish glow on the sidewalk. Donghan tugged on Taedong’s sleeve, gesturing towards it. _Can we?_

Taedong grinned softly and burst into a sprint. He looked back at a stunned Donghan and laughed loudly. _Hurry up, then._

The inside of the arcade was pleasantly quiet. A couple of teens lurked around, but other than that there was no-one, leaving the two to play whatever they wanted. They instantly gravitated towards Dance Dance Revolution, eager to dance together again. Taedong beat Donghan in the first round (“I let you win, hyung. I’m being a polite boyfriend”) and they tied in the next few rounds. They went on to shoot some hoops and Donghan won this time, having practiced with Hyunbin and Sanggyun.

On their way out, Donghan spotted a claw machine. Sitting in the far right corner was a familiar little creature, and Donghan immediately dug around his pocket for a coin.

“What are you doing?” Taedong asked as he slipped the coin into the machine.

The machine’s lights lit up, playing a cute little tune. Donghan tapped the glass. “I’m getting you that.”

Taedong peered inside the machine, and when he saw what Donghan was aiming for, he laughed. “A Moomin?”

Donghan nodded, keeping his gaze focused on the claw. He lowered it, holding his breath as the claw gripped the white foot. As it started to ascend, however, the toy fell, and Donghan frowned. Taedong snorted.

“Wow. Impressive skills.”

Donghan scowled. “Shut up.” He fished around his pockets for another coin and tried a second time. He successfully grabbed it with the claw, but slipped away at the last moment before it could fall into the prize box. Donghan pouted.

“This game is rigged,” he muttered.

Taedong handed him another coin when he realized he didn’t have any more. “You don’t have to get me this, you know.”

Donghan shook his head, starting the game up again. “No. I want to.” He felt Taedong come up behind to hug him, resting his chin on his shoulder.

When the claw caught the Moomin by its head, Donghan inhaled. Then, it moved ever so slowly towards them, inching bit by bit. It eventually dropped, and Donghan didn’t think it was going to make it, but it tumbled off another toy and landed safely in the prize box with a soft plop.

He whooped, swooping down to collect the Moomin. It wasn’t as big as the one Hyunbin won, but it made his heart swell with pride. Donghan handed it to Taedong, unable to contain his wide grin.

“Here.”

Taedong took it and leaned in to kiss Donghan on the cheek, making him blush. “Thank you.”

Time had flown by quickly, and midnight was rapidly approaching. The night had progressed into a strange hour, when people crossed paths with their hands in their pockets and pulled down hats to avoid staring or being stared at for too long. Every now and again, they passed by someone drunk.

“You hungry?” Taedong asked, and Donghan was about to say no when his stomach grumbled. He realised that the last thing he ate was a roll of kimbap sometime in the early afternoon. Taedong chuckled and reached for his hand, heading towards the nearest convenience store.

The guy at the cashier was half asleep and barely managed to mumble a welcome. Taedong and Donghan headed into separate aisles, grabbing as much as they could physically hold in their arms. They dumped it onto the counter and, not wanting to disturb the employee’s peaceful sleep, moved everything into plastic bags themselves. Taedong fished out a couple of bills and tucked it into the breast pocket of the cashier’s uniform vest before they exited.

Donghan was about to sit down on the side of the pavement before Taedong stopped him. “I have a better idea.”

He led them to another bus stop. Donghan looked at him curiously, but Taedong shook his head, a mischievous smile on his lips. When the bus arrived, Taedong grabbed his sleeve and pulled him on. They sat at the very back of the bus, and Donghan leaned his head on Taedong’s shoulder. A sudden jerk of the bus had his head colliding with his boyfriend’s chin, and both of them groaned in pain.

Taedong reached into one of the plastic bags and pulled out a can. “Are you okay?” he asked, brushing aside Donghan’s bangs and pressing it lightly against his forehead.

Donghan stared at Taedong, with his eyebrows creased and eyes full of worry. It was so cute. How he had managed to have have this angel in his life was a miracle, honestly. He leaned in and planted a kiss on Taedong’s chin, the spot that he hit with his forehead.

“Yeah.”

They rode the bus for a couple more minutes before Taedong announced their arrival. After climbing off the bus, Donghan realized where they were. With mingling scent of water and grass, it was undoubtedly the Han River.

Taedong had always expressed his desire to take Donghan on a date here, and now that he had fulfilled his wish, he was practically beaming with joy. He sat down on the grass and patted the space beside him, gesturing for Donghan to sit. They unpacked some of the food, setting it out like a little picnic. It was kind of romantic, Donghan thought.

Taedong unwrapped a rice ball and bit into it. Donghan leaned forward with his mouth open, waiting expectantly. The older boy rolled his eyes but fed it to him anyway. They chatted more, finishing up the food as they did so. They packed it away and lay down on the grass facing each other.

Taedong played with a loose thread on Donghan’s cardigan. “So how was your day? Promotions are over now, right?”

Donghan nodded. Early on, when JBJ had confirmed their debut date and preparations were underway, the both of them had avoided the topic completely. It was a bit sensitive, after all. However, Taedong was very sweet about the whole thing and constantly reassured Donghan that he was fine. He liked to hear about what the members were up to.

Donghan told him about how practice went, and how Hyunbin had accidentally sat on a half opened water bottle and had to change his pants. He told him about mundane things, like what they ate for lunch and how Yongguk taught him to clean the litterbox. Taedong never took his eyes off him for a second. If he was bored, he certainly didn’t show it.

Donghan eventually got tired of hearing his own voice speak so he asked Taedong about his day as well. Taedong said that the dish he tried to cook turned out to taste pretty good, so he had packed some into containers and delivered them to his mom. He also watched a movie that had been out for some time but he had never gotten round to seeing. Taedong also had plans to clean the house, but he ended up taking a nap until the evening, which was why he was out at a restaurant eating a late dinner.

Sooner or later, they eventually ran out of things to talk about, so they simply lay there. With Taedong, there was hardly ever an awkward silence. They stared up at the smattering of stars together and let the comforting atmosphere of night seep in, filling the cracks and crevices between their conversation.

“...Hey, Donghan?” Taedong’s voice was soft.

Donghan turned to him, only to find that he was already staring back.

“I want to go stargazing with you. Properly, I mean. In the countryside, maybe.” His cheeks were slightly pinkish.

Donghan shuffled closer. “Yeah,” he replied. “That sounds nice.” Maybe someday, when they were both not promoting, or perhaps even further in the future when they were both done with the whole idol thing.

It was past midnight already. Donghan checked his phone to see a message from Taehyun, telling him not to stay up too late and to make sure Taedong gets home safely. He smiled, texting him a quick ‘sure’ before tucking it back into his pocket.

If it were up to Donghan, he’d lie with Taedong under the night sky until the dawn came. They’d watch the sun rise, the early morning commuters, the stay at home parents who’d take their young children to the playground or their pets for a walk. Then they’d eat breakfast together, maybe watch a movie. Meet up with old friends. Do things that ordinary people did.

But the more Donghan stared at Taedong, who now had his eyes closed and was breathing softly through his mouth, the more he felt this dull ache in his heart. The dim moonlight fell over Taedong, accentuating the slope of his nose, his acne scars faint but visible. The lighting was in no means flattering, but in Donghan’s eyes, Taedong was beautiful.

When dawn came they’d have to go their separate ways, Donghan back to the dorm and Taedong back to his home. They probably wouldn’t see each other for another couple of weeks, only exchanging nightly texts and the occasional phone call. It was as if they were worlds apart, like the only thing keeping them together was a tiny little string that could unravel any moment. Donghan hated himself the most when that happened. 

Tentatively, he reached out and intertwined his fingers with Taedong. His boyfriend stirred and poked one eye open. Donghan noticed how dark his eye bags were.

“Hm?”

Donghan inhaled.

“We’re...okay, right?”

The words left a bitter taste in his mouth, and Donghan was almost afraid of hearing the answer. Taedong’s eyebrows furrowed together for a moment, and then he was sitting up, pulling Donghan with him. He gathered their hands together and placed it in his lap. 

“Donghan,” he said, giving his hands a squeeze. “Of course.”

Relief eased his shoulders back, but a part of him seemed to have expected that answer. A tinge of guilt poked at him for having ever doubted their relationship.

Who knows what time it was when Donghan and Taedong walked along the banks of the Han River, under the less-than-picturesque Seoul sky that was barren and cloudy, one earphone in each ear. Donghan clung onto Taedong’s arm, leaning into the warm knit of his cardigan. There were no stars to be seen, but there was something in the glimmering night lights set sparsely among houses in the distance that was just as pretty.

They made their way onto a bridge and took a moment to stop and stare out into the landscape. There were no more cars on the road, no drunkards stumbling on the sidewalks, no people fishing by the waterfront. It was just the two of them, Taedong and Donghan, and the whole thing seemed like a dream that neither of them wanted to wake up from.

But unfortunately they had to, and Donghan decided that he would wait as long as it took for them to have another simple date together again. Taedong leaned in and Donghan met him halfway, pressing him gently against the railing, the metal cold against his fingers. Taedong combed his hands through Donghan’s hair, unraveling the little knots and tangles.

Maybe it was that small act of love and affection, maybe it was because he had missed the feeling of kissing Taedong more than he had anticipated, but there was something in the moment that made Donghan feel like crying. Their kiss became salty as two tears trickled down his cheeks and over their joined lips.

Taedong pulled back, brushing the droplets away with his thumbs. “Don’t cry, Donghan.” The smile that he gave him made Donghan’s heart clench. 

“Please,” Taedong whispered, pulling him into a hug. Donghan swallowed back his feelings, forcing them down his throat. His shoulders trembled as he gripped Taedong’s shirt and willed himself not to cry.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, as Taedong stroked his back tenderly.

Taedong shook his head. “Don’t be.” 

When Donghan pulled back, he saw that Taedong’s eyes were watery, glistening with unshed tears. He felt that guilt stinging inside again. Donghan was so lucky to have debuted with JBJ, to have achieved so much already. He was living his dream, but with every step forward he took, he couldn’t help but feel like he was taking two steps away from Taedong.

He couldn’t even begin to image how Taedong felt.

Donghan stepped forward once more, holding Taedong’s face as he kissed him again, this time with a little more force. He felt Taedong smile.

“I have to go now,” Taedong murmured against his lips.

Donghan placed a hand on the small of his back and pulled him closer. “Just a little longer.”

Donghan had always been the clingy one in their relationship, and Taedong was always willing to return his affections. Perhaps that was one of the reasons their relationship always worked out well. When Donghan was impulsive and brash, Taedong was rational and calm. There was a careful balance that existed between them. So when they kissed one last time under that flickering street lamp, Donghan felt happy and complete.

Just as Taedong turned to walk away, Donghan cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled.

“I’ll be waiting for you!” his voice echoed in the empty street around them. “All six of us are waiting!” 

Taedong grinned and waved the little Moomin in his hand. A car appeared out of nowhere, whizzing past them and drowning out Taedong’s voice as he called back, but Donghan was able to read the movement of his lips perfectly.

 

_Just a little longer. Promise._

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't expect to add angst into this fic when it began, but all the emo feels took over me and I guess I just really miss taedonghan :')
> 
> (all the donghan/kenta moments lately are really shaking me up tho) 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
